Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
i think i scared a bird with my dick
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
