Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
i drank out of a bidet.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
