The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
