By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
