I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
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