im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
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