Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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