sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
My vagina is officially offended.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
