Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Enjoy the penises
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Randomize
