We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
