yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Taylor Swift is so right about you.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
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