She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
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