Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
