I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
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