I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
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