i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
I'm passing your future prison.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
