If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Randomize
