My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
