is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
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