I hate your face
grandma shit on top of the toilet
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Randomize
