Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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