She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Randomize
