I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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