she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Just high enough for therapy.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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