i wish my penis had a tongue
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
