Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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