just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Randomize
