You're my little dorito
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize
