woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
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