Pants 0. Shit 1.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
