She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
