he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
How's work?
Spinning.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
