Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
