I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
