How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Randomize