My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
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