do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
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