I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Ketchup is God's man juice
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
