Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Randomize
