Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
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