You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize