this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Randomize