dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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