thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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