and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
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