alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Randomize
