it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
