he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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