I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
You pole danced in your parka.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
