similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Randomize
