What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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