You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
