after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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