Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
I am available for nakedness
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Randomize
