I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Randomize
