I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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