and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I believe in your delicious
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Randomize
