Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Randomize
