the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
