Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
