So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
