U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
Fuck appropriateness.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
