The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
As shirtless as possible
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
