I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
