i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
Randomize
