dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
