Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
