im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
I am naked and annoyed.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Randomize
