so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
