I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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