i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
